Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize