Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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