she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
