You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
