If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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