is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
