I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
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