when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
