Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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