Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
