I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
