I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
