I will die if light touches me.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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