Got a toothbrush?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
