if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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