whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
