just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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