You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
