"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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