Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
