is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
