FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
