I puked a lego.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
