just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize