Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
she told me i tasted like america
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
