Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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