Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
