Just cropdusted the office
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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