At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
