The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
