I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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