my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
