She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
