I'm laying in your front yard are you home
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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