happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
