I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize