all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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