yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize
