i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I need to calm my uterus...
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
