We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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