I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Randomize