she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
We need to rekindle our bromance
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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