i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
