People in love make me want to vomit
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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