don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
