I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
