Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
