Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
