when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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