Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
