hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
