he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
whose ass print is on the piano?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
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