You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
