sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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