then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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