I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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