I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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