I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Randomize
