My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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