last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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