All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
