We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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