no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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