i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
