You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
