things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
They should really pass out barf bags in church
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
