well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
