There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Randomize
