Grow some girl-balls and come out already
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
