I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
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