i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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