Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
