I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
