I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Randomize
