Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I could have mohawked her pubes.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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