I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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