When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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