My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
