At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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