Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
